Moments of Hesitation

At the outset of a new year, change appears imposingly on the horizon. Like the floods created by the torrential January rains, it lies across your path and before you take another step forward, you hesitate.

You’re thinking about what is going to happen. You’re thinking about all the possible scenarios, outcomes and consequences of taking that step, both positive and negative. You’re maybe thinking how long it will take before you can be comfortable in the newly existing state of life affairs. Maintaining the status quo isn't realistically an option but you’re going to try anyway.

There may be imminent changes already known to you. Just as you can know with absolute certainty that your feet will get wet when you step in the water, you know that some things in life are going to be different but other life changes are not yet apparent, just as the depth of the water is unknown and that not-knowing is what scares us most of all.

In that moment of hesitation, as a myriad of thoughts and emotions races through our minds, there is danger.

 ‘…how deeply the soul’s guardian sleeps when a man is enmeshed in matters of this world; the evil archer stands close with his drawn bow, his bristling quiver. Then the poisoned shaft pierces his mind under his helmet and he does not know how to resist the devil’s insidious, secret temptations.’ 

Beowulf, Kevin Crossley-Holland

Fear, anxiety, doubt, worry, each a toxic tipped arrow aimed at the mind. Before we even realise what has happened, we can be suffering the effects of chronic poisoning.

The truth is, we do not have the resources within ourselves to handle life, with all its changing circumstances. If we've learnt anything at all, is it not the value of God’s Word in counteracting the poison? I for one, have yet to find anything else that effectively deals with it. We need to read, write, say, and live truth every single day as God’s Spirit enables us, not just as we enable ourselves with diary organisation, deep breathing techniques and Rescue Remedy pastilles in a bag or pocket.

‘Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare.’

Ephesians 6 (Msg)

So as we stand on the path, where are we picturing Jesus? Is he behind us, about to give us a push on the back, saying, “Go on, get on with it then.” Is he beside us, giving us a motivational speech? “You can do this! “ Is he on the other side, waving at us, shouting words that we can’t hear because we’re too far away and too distracted by what we’re facing?

This week, I read Malcolm Guite’s poem for the season of Epiphany which takes us back to the story of Jesus’ baptism in the waters of the Jordan River (https://malcolmguite.wordpress.com/blog/). This story tells us where to picture Jesus? He’s in the water, being immersed, being utterly human and identifying with us. As Jesus emerges from the water, heaven opens and the ‘single loving heart’ of God is shown to us. 

Looking at the horizon in light of this truth, we know that no matter what happens or what changes are coming, we are loved, understood and given a life of joy and abundance. Jesus can identify with us in all our moments of hesitation because he knows what it is to be human. In the words of the poem,

‘He calls us too, to step into that river

To die and rise and live and love forever.’

And so we step forwards with confidence and meet Jesus in the middle of real life with all its ups and downs, twists and turns. We can walk safely in the knowledge that ‘truth, righteousness, peace, faith and salvation are more than words.’

‘I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.’ (Msg)