‘I feel like this,’ I sighed, inspecting
the ragged soft toy dangling by one tatty ear between my finger and thumb.
Jazzy the rabbit.
A sorry sight indeed after years of
ownership. Still undoubtedly a boy’s most beloved possession but sadly no
longer ‘plush’.
I cannot imagine a time when Jazzy,
as forlorn a creature that he is, will not be loved. I’m no longer officially permitted
to put Jazzy in the washing machine in case he doesn’t make it out again intact
– my maternal outcry at the lack of hygiene falling on stubbornly deaf boy
ears. (Unofficially however, without owner permission, Jazzy has danced with spin
cycle death but that’s between you and I.)
Jazzy has been loved ferociously ever
since he came home from the maternity ward, tucked in amongst the blankets with
his swaddled owner. He has been loved so much that he haemorrhages stuffing. Denuded
by years of childhood companionship, there isn’t a tuft of fur left on his
floppy body, his nose has been partially rubbed off and he is coming undone at
so many seams.
Parenting can leave you feeling a bit
like this. Much needed and much loved but worn out.
Some days, it might feel as if we’re
splitting at the hem. Our stitching unravels and we become frayed and tattered
at the edges. Human love does that. It rubs us raw. It makes gaping holes and
everything inside spills out. It makes a mess of us, makes demands of us, day
in and day out. Sometimes we’re weary to the point of exhaustion and our own
love gets a bit shabby. It might feel by the end of the day that we have little
left within us to give. A voice inside begins to whisper, ‘you’re not enough’ -
‘not wise enough’, ‘not strong enough’, ‘not good enough’.
Feeling hollowed out one day, God’s
timing brings a reading of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians to a close with a
final reminder of these verses.
‘I pray that you will understand
the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe in him. This is the
same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place
of honour at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms.’ Ephesians 1:19-20
And a needle is threaded. A stitch is
sewn.
We are not left to simply put our
collar up, cast our eyes to the ground and wait for the difficulty to pass. We
are reminded that the power that raised Jesus from the dead is the same power
that is within us and if that is true, if that is what we believe, it makes a
difference.
It means that here is the power that
makes us enough. It is the power that redeems every mistake and failure. It is
the power that resurrects what is dead and makes it new. It is the power of the
One who is always strong enough, wise enough and good enough.
It is the power that can re-stuff us
with love every morning. The power that stitches and hems us together again.
Death tears and rips love apart.
Grace mends and renews love.
Parenting is not the only ragged
edged place to feel the tension.
Perhaps all of life is lived in the
tension between flawed love and perfect love.
On the days when we feel the tension,
may we pray Paul’s prayer for one another.
